You don't have tuh call, anymore.I won't pick up th call, i don't wanna hear anymore.I'm so tired.So sick.I'm crying and hurting.I can't breathe.I'm sick, and i'm crying.It's all clogged and stucked.Everything's stucking at th cross path at my throat.I hate it.It's so heavy..One, i suffered for long, school, and personal stuffs.I worry another thing since january.I worry about my future, my life since 2008.What's wrong ?Did i kena ghost or what ?Previous things shan't mention.It's just 2 week 3 week.So many things came crashing on me.Every little bit hurting me deep down,Leaving a scar as it passes..Do you know how much i'm hurting inside ?I failed.As a bestfriend.Seeing her cry, i did nothing.As a girl of boy,Seing him cry, i sat there and played blackjack.Seeing them cry, i sat there and stared blankly.As a friend, i know she's crying at a corner,I went tuh talk and forgot about her.As a bestie, i didn't cared about his feelings.I went overboard with my jokes and hurt someone precious.As a goodfriend, i failed.I don't know what i did, i got betrayed, backstabbed.2 head snake, shot, bad mouthed, gossiped.Now i even got someone else dragged in.I'm sorry, i failed.As a daughter, i wasn't obedient.I didn't go home on time,I didn't listen tuh you.I didn't heed your advices.I wasn't even listening.All i knew was going out with friends.You once said tuh me,Going out with friends is more importantThan going out/go hospital check up with you.I'm sorry.It took me 14 years and 3 months tuh think through.Tht i failed as a daughter.Tht night in february.I know tht news scared th hell outta you.Even till now it's been 5 months.You've been telling me, tht you'll kick me out if i am one.I'm sorry, i failed as a normal person.All my life i've been doing th best for everyone.I tried tuh make my dearly ones happy.Even though i know i'm giving more than wht i get.I still continued .I didn't whine, i didn't complain.I merely said about it, maybe behind you.I need tuh let it out .If not..I'm really afraid 1 day i'll explode and lose everyone i love..As a student, i failed badly.Even th most basic quality , attendance .I can't fufil .I passed my sec 1 , i continue tuh sec 2 .But what's th point .I totally hate school .Everyone's been asking me .Now i tell you .I hate th feeling of being left out .SHS , affiliated tuh SHPS .Everyone in groups and cliques go SHS together from SHPS.They have their clique.It's hard for people like me tuh blend in.Especially when my pattern is so-not-them.I play i slack whole day whole night outside.I smoke i bla .Whatever .I do whatever they don't do .Which i seriously don't know how tuh change , either .I dislike th way people look at me in school .I don't know why ..Whatever it is , i only know i failed as a student..In all, i fail as a human tuh live on earth..I lost myself in feb.I continued living like a zombie,Who kept got hit down by disappointments,Jealousy, down-th-drain hopes.Who kept standing up and continue walking.Saying it'll be alright.Hiding everything inside..Alot things happen in between..I got stressed in june over something.I lose my bestie.I found out someone betrayed backstba blabla me..It hurts tuh know someone you trusted like this.I accepted you for who you are.Yet you did these tuh me .It feels like needles poking in my heart deep through and plucked out..So painful..Tht phobia of trusting, is there.Thn on th same 24 hours , 2 things happened .My close friend, 2 of them, argue, broke, and they're sad.Now patched, ( heng )But i know they're all along unstable :lThn th next thing i know, bestfr and boy and 'swan' , ( Swan is a nickname :x )Is crying, right in front of me...Tht feeling..I held back my tears tht night.I was so heartbroken.I dared not go near.I'm really scared...I hate what i am now..Bestfr sent me 1 sms tht night..' I've never felt so cold in my life.. 'Now i think it suits me .I've never felt, so cold, and lonely in my life..No one's really there...No one...Everyone looks for a sub whn 1 is gone.They make use of you.Until they're tired.They find a new one.I'm afraid, i'm scared.I'm afraid, tuh trust again.I'm afraid, tuh love again.I'm afraid tuh face th truth, th truth tht hurts so much..Th truth hurts,But lies worst.Sometimes i say whatever i feel,It affects someone else.But when i don't say,It's as though, i'm killing myself.I feel myself turning intuh some fucking zombie,Tht doesn't needs sleep.Tht doesn't eat.Tht doesn't studies enough.Tht fucking just, aiyah, trash. -.-Words left unspoken in my heart..I think i'll never have th chance tuh say it out..Is there anyone out there tht can pull me out of th dark, cold, cave i'm in now...?
Monday, July 13, 2009
Never forever.
You don't have tuh call, anymore.I won't pick up th call, i don't wanna hear anymore.I'm so tired.So sick.I'm crying and hurting.I can't breathe.I'm sick, and i'm crying.It's all clogged and stucked.Everything's stucking at th cross path at my throat.I hate it.It's so heavy..One, i suffered for long, school, and personal stuffs.I worry another thing since january.I worry about my future, my life since 2008.What's wrong ?Did i kena ghost or what ?Previous things shan't mention.It's just 2 week 3 week.So many things came crashing on me.Every little bit hurting me deep down,Leaving a scar as it passes..Do you know how much i'm hurting inside ?I failed.As a bestfriend.Seeing her cry, i did nothing.As a girl of boy,Seing him cry, i sat there and played blackjack.Seeing them cry, i sat there and stared blankly.As a friend, i know she's crying at a corner,I went tuh talk and forgot about her.As a bestie, i didn't cared about his feelings.I went overboard with my jokes and hurt someone precious.As a goodfriend, i failed.I don't know what i did, i got betrayed, backstabbed.2 head snake, shot, bad mouthed, gossiped.Now i even got someone else dragged in.I'm sorry, i failed.As a daughter, i wasn't obedient.I didn't go home on time,I didn't listen tuh you.I didn't heed your advices.I wasn't even listening.All i knew was going out with friends.You once said tuh me,Going out with friends is more importantThan going out/go hospital check up with you.I'm sorry.It took me 14 years and 3 months tuh think through.Tht i failed as a daughter.Tht night in february.I know tht news scared th hell outta you.Even till now it's been 5 months.You've been telling me, tht you'll kick me out if i am one.I'm sorry, i failed as a normal person.All my life i've been doing th best for everyone.I tried tuh make my dearly ones happy.Even though i know i'm giving more than wht i get.I still continued .I didn't whine, i didn't complain.I merely said about it, maybe behind you.I need tuh let it out .If not..I'm really afraid 1 day i'll explode and lose everyone i love..As a student, i failed badly.Even th most basic quality , attendance .I can't fufil .I passed my sec 1 , i continue tuh sec 2 .But what's th point .I totally hate school .Everyone's been asking me .Now i tell you .I hate th feeling of being left out .SHS , affiliated tuh SHPS .Everyone in groups and cliques go SHS together from SHPS.They have their clique.It's hard for people like me tuh blend in.Especially when my pattern is so-not-them.I play i slack whole day whole night outside.I smoke i bla .Whatever .I do whatever they don't do .Which i seriously don't know how tuh change , either .I dislike th way people look at me in school .I don't know why ..Whatever it is , i only know i failed as a student..In all, i fail as a human tuh live on earth..I lost myself in feb.I continued living like a zombie,Who kept got hit down by disappointments,Jealousy, down-th-drain hopes.Who kept standing up and continue walking.Saying it'll be alright.Hiding everything inside..Alot things happen in between..I got stressed in june over something.I lose my bestie.I found out someone betrayed backstba blabla me..It hurts tuh know someone you trusted like this.I accepted you for who you are.Yet you did these tuh me .It feels like needles poking in my heart deep through and plucked out..So painful..Tht phobia of trusting, is there.Thn on th same 24 hours , 2 things happened .My close friend, 2 of them, argue, broke, and they're sad.Now patched, ( heng )But i know they're all along unstable :lThn th next thing i know, bestfr and boy and 'swan' , ( Swan is a nickname :x )Is crying, right in front of me...Tht feeling..I held back my tears tht night.I was so heartbroken.I dared not go near.I'm really scared...I hate what i am now..Bestfr sent me 1 sms tht night..' I've never felt so cold in my life.. 'Now i think it suits me .I've never felt, so cold, and lonely in my life..No one's really there...No one...Everyone looks for a sub whn 1 is gone.They make use of you.Until they're tired.They find a new one.I'm afraid, i'm scared.I'm afraid, tuh trust again.I'm afraid, tuh love again.I'm afraid tuh face th truth, th truth tht hurts so much..Th truth hurts,But lies worst.Sometimes i say whatever i feel,It affects someone else.But when i don't say,It's as though, i'm killing myself.I feel myself turning intuh some fucking zombie,Tht doesn't needs sleep.Tht doesn't eat.Tht doesn't studies enough.Tht fucking just, aiyah, trash. -.-Words left unspoken in my heart..I think i'll never have th chance tuh say it out..Is there anyone out there tht can pull me out of th dark, cold, cave i'm in now...?
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
No comments:
Post a Comment