As time passes by...

You can choose not tuh read.Cos nobody truly cares.So why th fuck would you bother tuh read ?Waste time uhs.Sometimes love comes around,And they knock you down.Sometimes when problems crowd around you,You start tuh break down.As time passes by,I finally realised.I've been doing nothing.Practically nothing since i was 13.Many had been telling me tuh study, study.Yet all i do was rotting and stoning.I thought i was enjoying life so well, thn.I promised myself tuh stop pon-ing, pg, smoke.I broke all of them.I promised myself tuh stop crying.I broke it.I promised myself i will maintain.I broke it too.I promised myself i will forget.I broke it as well.I'm sorry,I betrayed your turst again and again.Fearing tht you'll find out.I'm sorry, i can't control.Call me whatever you want,I don't mind anymore.I know it's my fault.Sometimes i just don't understand why.Why is everything screwing up like tht.It's been a year and half.I'm still like this.Everything's crashing on me at th same time.Everytime when i'm enjoying life,Laughing wih my friends and joking,I feel blessed.But th next thing i know,Is tht everything's turning heads against me.Coming for me, taking my life away.Slowly sucking my will tuh live on again.Now all tht's left is my family and friends.Future ? School ?No i don't care.All i need is peaceful, normal lifes.Why does everyone around me have normal lifes,Happy lifes, lots of friends in school with them,Blabla.Why not me ?Now i'm crashing, breaking.I finally realised all tht i was doing,Was just crap tht everybody tried stopping me from doing it.Suddenly i feel like taking drugs and get high.Thn i'd go jump and die.Forever don't wake up.I'd leave th world of problems, irritations.I need a way for me tuh hide and escape.Nobody cares at all.Sometimes i just get jealoused.Jealoused about what ?Him her them they he she.Why not me ?Why ?You tell me ?I hate myself now.So much..Everyone's leaving 1 by 1 .It hurts so much tuh see someone close tuh you leave .1 minute you both were being very close ,Th next minute , she's drifting far like a sailboat from th shore .I can't take it .I just lose control so easily .I escape , and escape .I ran and hid .But it all still came tuh me in th end .I don't know how tuh stop tht pain from torturing me .Yeah , i'm a joker , an entertainer .But i have my problems people .I have so so so many .All you all know was ' Aww my boyf/girlf left me , fuck '' Aww we argued , damnit i got loads of problem 'Fuck la , it's just a R/s problem,Fucking hell .I've so many .Wanna compare uh ?I have so many problems i can't even mention .I've so so so many things i want tuh say .Yet when i have th chance tuh say ,Nothing comes out .I'm so confused .Everything's stucked at my throat,Choking myself tuh death .Struggling tuh break free ..I've so many problems,I don't even dare tuh think of them.I don't even dare tuh tell anyone.Yes anyone, i mean it.I don't even dare.I'm afraid i'll affect people around me.I'm afraid.. I'm scared. I'm terrified .I'm struggling so hard, trying tuh break those chains and pull those arrows out in me ...I'm officially a zombie .