I hate weaves and extensions!!! Yeah I said it and I’m not taking it back. I know I’m probably in the minority because of my opinion but I’m not backing down. My dislike of weave/extensions happened when I was making out with a girl back in the day (it was a little more than making out but my mama reads this blog). Let’s just say I went to grab her hair and I ended up with a fist full of hair. It wasn’t even her real hair!!! If she was going bald because of nuclear fallout then it would be okay. But the nukes were miles down the road (none of your business where I was) and we were in a safe distance. After that night of ecstasy, I hated weaves/extensions with a passion.
A woman came into work this week showing off her weave like it was a brand new car. Other women of numerous colors stood around her marveling at her accomplishment. Did she bring the Crips and the Bloods together??....Nope! She was wearing weave. Why were they congratulating her for that!! It’s not like she is promoting world peace!
For that weave to have happened 3 things took place.
1. Right now in some stable there is a naked horse that can’t swat flies because their hair is missing. The Black Stallion would never have showed up on our shores if he knew this was going to happen.
2. There is a dead woman as bald as a beaver lying in a grave some place. Now she has to walk around Heaven with a skull cap on. Or walk around Hell with the hot wind blowing on her brains.
3. Some company in India is making synthetic hair out of God knows what. No Comment!!!
There is another girl on the job that wears weave like Russell Simmons wears sneakers. The weirdest thing – when she wears weave her hair is well kept – when she’s not wearing weave she looks like she was fighting killer owls with her hair. What?? How is this possible? Why would you come out in public with your hair looking like “The Little’s” were hiding out in your head? The only time you want to groom yourself is when your hair is down to your butt? Unacceptable!!! Hasn’t she heard of Hawaiian Silky Herbal?? I’m tired of this foolishness and it’s time for a change.
I have a solution for improving our economy that is based on the weave trade. We should tax weaves/extensions to help improve our economy. Women of all races wear these fakes and they should be taxed for it. With the extra money that we receive from the taxes we can build roads, schools and put lights on the highways. I’m talking about the nice lights that are controlled by the sun and not the bulbs you screw in. The fake hair industry is making tons of money so why not cut in on the action? As we have learned from the Tyra Banks (I’m going to show my real hair now) to Joy Bryant (I’m never going to show my real hair ever) saga – women are not going to put down weaves. I always knew Tyra was wearing weave. I figured the only thing real on her was her forehead. Now we are going to see how bad women want to wear fake hair. If they want it bad enough they will be taxed at 35%. Yes, 35% on the purchase price. Time for the Government to come in and take over!!! Put Rep. Maxine Waters on the case…..oops….um well…ah….we’ll find someone to get cracking on this.
I know you might be thinking that there will be some negatives because of this. Sure there will be people buying low quality weaves in back alleys illegally. There will be people sneaking weaves through customs at the airport. People try to get over on the IRS all the time. So we will create a special weaves/extensions unit to make sure people aren’t getting over. The bumps will eventually be worked out but this will turn out to be a good thing. Maybe naturals will start being more acceptable now? Besides there still will be relaxers and such. America, I believe in this plan and I am going to save this country one hair follicle at a time.
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